The Pastime Formerly Known as Sex

Someone called me a prude once.  I can totally see why.  Being around strange, naked or half-naked people makes me uncomfortable.  I feel awkward talking about sex and avoid using most terms (including sex).  I mean, really.  For a blog about getting pregnant, go back and count how many times I've used the word sex.  I'm sure its surprisingly low given the topic.

But I'm going to put my adult hat on for a few minutes so I can share something that's been weighing on my mind.  If you know me in a capacity such that you don't want to know anything about my sex life, you can stop reading now.

I was watching a show last night called "Sex: How it Works."  They talked about how necessary it is to survival, not only of human-kind but of our individual lives.  The connection it gives you with your partner is unbelievable.  The stress that is relieved through sex is incredible.  Not to mention its amazingly fun. :)

Since we've started trying to conceive, though, sex has changed.  It is now referred to as baby-making because that is its purpose.  Not to say that its become all scientific and boring like some people warn will happen.  On the contrary, they have been the most romantic experiences.  Its just different when you know you could be creating life.  I think the emotional impact of something so monumental is almost detrimental to every day life, though.

Regular, fun sex (as opposed to baby-making) just doesn't happen as often.  We're so caught up in the timing and the excitement, that we forget we can have sex when I'm not able to get pregnant.  Here's the typical schedule:

Last week of the month -  have sex at least once a day when ovulating  **fun, romantic, exciting**
Two weeks - waiting to find out if I'm pregnant  **exciting, nerve-wracking, a little scary**
Days before missed period - take pregnancy test  **disappointment**
Next two weeks - researching ways to increase fertility and putting them in action  **motivated, stressed**
..Repeat..

This baby-making process has been consuming us.  We took a step back two nights ago and realized what we were doing.  This is supposed to be fun and exciting.  Of course its disappointing when the test comes back negative, but we make whatever adjustments are needed and get back up (pun totally intended).  I think we've got this figured out now; I'm just hoping we can keep the excitement going for as long as it takes to finally make a baby.

(Sorry, Mom.)

I hate this. Period.

Well this is the second strike. No baby yet. Ugh, this is a frustrating process.

Took two tests that came back negative, but it didn't really hit me until that thing I was supposed to miss, made an appearance anyway. Stupid period. I hate it.

Jared is cutting out alcohol almost entirely since it supposedly slows down his army. He is motivating me not to drink soda as much. Its working pretty well.

I also read that you should be uh, practicing, every other day. The idea of saving up a few days worth  of his little men to increase chances of getting pregnant is actually the opposite of what happens. Guess it gets crowded in there like the mall on black friday, and everyone just gives up. :/

Ok so armed with new info and better strategies, we're on to the next round. Man, I really hope the third time is the charm.

Worse than Waiting for Christmas Morning!

We've done all we can now to get pregnant this month, so now its just a waiting game to find out if it worked!  This is the worst waiting game ever.. :(

There's plenty of things to do while we're waiting though.  For example, I've been filling up most of my time planning for next month's efforts if this one isn't successful.  Less alcohol for Jared (alcohol slows down his little men), more exercise for me.  Hooray.  I've also started to really kick the soda (I mean it, this time.. no, I swear, I really am done with it).  We've also talked about all the possibilities - sickness/disabilities, twins (or more..please no), abnormal pregnancies, etc - and what we would do in each situation.

We've talked about the differences in how all of this is affecting us.  I wrote in a previous blog about my friend telling me pregnancy is kinda a lonely experience.  No one else is going through exactly what you're going through, and your husband will never fully understand it.  I see that now.  At this very moment, I could have another human being living inside of me.  I'm extremely excited and a little scared about that.  This all got very real for me when we tried to get pregnant knowing I was at my most fertile point (thanks to the ovulation test).  But for Jared, this won't be real until we tell everyone we're going to be parents (I'm not assuming this, its what he said).  I know we'll get there soon, but I wish we were on the same emotional page from the start.  This does feel lonely. 

In about a week, I'm going to take a pregnancy test (or two), and we have our fingers crossed that it'll be positive.  I feel like I got a sign yesterday that this is the case.  I went to my cousin Danielle's baby shower, and they played the word game.  We couldn't say "baby" or "Sadie" (the baby's name), and if we did, we had our game piece taken from us.  The person with the most pieces at the end of the shower won a prize.  I kept an ear open to everyone around me and ended up with 10 pieces at the end.  I opened the prize, and it was an outdoor decoration with an owl on it.  I haven't mentioned this yet in my blog (cause it would be crazy to think this far ahead for normal people), but I really love owls for a baby's room theme.  I had to take this as a sign that I'm pregnant! :)