Wednesday is the First Day of the Week

It is in our world, at least.

Each Wednesday marks the start of a new pregnancy week.  That means a new fruit to describe my baby's size, a new set of developments to read about, and new milestones to reach.

At 7 weeks, we went to our first doctor's appointment and had the first ultrasound.  I will never forget this first ultrasound.  Friday, May 9, 2014..  We got to hear our baby's heartbeat for the first time.  The same heartbeat the baby will have when its born and for the rest of its life, and we got to hear it already.  It was a life-changing moment; it made this whole thing very real for both of us.  I consider it the moment I became a mom.

The Cat is Out of the Bag!

How many different ways can you tell people you're pregnant? 

There's the direct statement, but even that has several variations: "we're pregnant;" "we're expecting;" "we're having a baby."  There's the indirect statement that I used on my boss.  "Remember how we were trying to get pregnant?  Yeah, we're not trying anymore!"  I realize now that the big grin on my face was key to revealing the news to him. 

There are also ways to spread the news without saying anything at all.  We told our families on Easter by giving a card to the moms that was signed "Jess, Jared and baby Young."  Their shocked expressions tipped off everyone else with us just confirming their assumptions.  

And now, for the big Facebook reveal.  I put together a cute picture I plan to post tomorrow to tell the world that we're having a baby.  I'm 7.5 weeks pregnant, and we got to hear the baby's heartbeat at our first ultrasound on Friday.  This lowers the chance of miscarriage to 2%, so we feel comfortable sharing the news with everyone now. 

Let the Strange Dreams Begin!

I had my first strange baby dream last night.

I dreamed that I was pregnant, but I already had a son named Patrick.  I took him with me to the first doctor's appointment (he was maybe 1 year old).  At this appointment, a group of women including the doc sat around a table with a bowl of fruit on it.  The doctor sifted through the fruit until she found a blueberry which she lifted up.

Expectant mother fact of the day: A blueberry is the fruit they use to describe the size of the baby at 7 weeks (where I'm at today in the real world).

But then she put it back and pulled out a plum.  She said "nope, you're farther along than you thought.  You're 9 weeks!"  Then it got weird (ok, weirder).  She asked me, "Do you want to make a decision today on the baby's sex?  How about the hair and eye color?"  All of these things could apparently be determined by changing something with that plum.  I guess the plum actually WAS my baby??  How do these things come out of my brain?

If I see any fruit at my appointment tomorrow, I'm running away as fast as I can.

Update: I just looked up the fruits associated with the baby's size each week of pregnancy.  The baby is the size of a plum at 12 weeks.  I'm going to take that as a good sign. :)

What Its Like

During the two weeks I thought I was pregnant last year, I made a bracelet to wear that would remind me to eat healthy and take care of myself.  I had to do this because I didn't feel pregnant, and I was worried I would forget and drink or do something to jeopardize the baby's health.  As the mom's all laugh at this, I know now how crazy that is.. "I might forget I'm pregnant." lol

I've been so nauseous for the past week.  Nothing seems to totally help, but Gatorade takes some of the edge off.  My boobs still hurt really bad.  Gravity is not my friend, especially when getting out of bed in the morning.  I've also been pretty tired, heading to bed by 9 on most nights (earlier on others).  I'm getting some cramps too, but I chalk that up to some unpleasant bathroom-type conditions.  Some food makes me feel so queasy, like cheese, but I'm all about carbs to fill me up.  Maybe worst of all, I can't take my allergy medicine so I'm suffering with itchy, watery eyes and a congested nose almost every day.

So yeah.. I'm not going to forget that I'm pregnant.  I still wear the bracelet though.

I know I've said this before, but Jared is really amazing.  He's been taking such good care of me, doing the deep cleaning in the kitchen and bathrooms, cleaning the litter box, researching nausea remedies and trying them out on me.  He's nervous and worried about miscarrying, and he's really looking forward to our first appointment tomorrow to confirm that I'm really pregnant and that things are going well.  I can't worry or I'll stress myself out, but Jared said he'll worry enough for the both of us.

Fortune May Smile, Trials May Come

Three years ago in Jamaica, we said "Time may pass, fortune may smile, trials may come; no matter what we may encounter together, I vow here that this love will be my only love."

This journey to baby is trial #1.

After my last post, it took me two weeks to finally get my period.  So I went those two weeks thinking I was pregnant.  I had the nursery all planned out.  I made a bracelet for myself to wear to remind me to eat better.  Then it all came crashing down one morning before work.  In addition to being really disappointed, I felt like an idiot.  I didn't have a positive pregnancy test.  Why did I let myself get so worked up??  I was angry at my job for causing me so much stress.  I figured that had to be the cause of me being so late.  I realize now that the birth control was probably finally out of my system.  I never had a regular cycle after that.

Because of our constant failure at getting pregnant, its impossible to put into words the emotions I felt at the mention of babies.  Hearing about others being pregnant, attending baby showers, even watching plays that involved babies and the "miracle of birth" affected me.  More than once I found myself crying at the thought of never being able to have children.  Since not many people knew we were trying to get pregnant, comments or questions about us having kids set off an emotional struggle to keep it together.  I couldn't even bring myself to write about it on here.

I didn't expect to lose the excitement we shared at the start of this journey.  Not that we didn't want kids anymore; I guess we were just losing hope.  We had plans to travel the world if we couldn't get pregnant; then we might adopt later on in life.

Even though we wouldn't do fertility treatments, I was curious if there was a problem with one of us.  So at one year trying, April 2014, I decided to give it one last try then go see the doctor when we inevitably failed to get pregnant again.

Only it didn't fail this time!

On Friday, April 18 I got my first positive pregnancy test.  Both Jared and I were cautiously excited; there was still some doubt.  After a year of trying and being on the verge of giving up, it just seemed too good to be true.  So I took two more tests the next day, and both still said positive.  Eureka!!  We're pregnant!!!!

We told our families on April 20, Easter Sunday.  I just couldn't wait to share the news with them; plus, I don't see the harm in telling the people closest to us.  If I miscarry, I would want these people to know anyway and would love to have their support.  Everyone is happy and excited for us to bring the family's first Baby Young into the world. :)

This journey isn't over, but at least its on its way now.  I feel like last January we decided to take this trip; last April we made it to the airport; and after a looooong wait at the airport, we've finally boarded the plane for our 9 month journey.  Are we there yet???

 

Maybe Baby

So one month of taking my chiropractor's advice, and what do I have?  Two days with no period.  I'm not even going to get into the weirdness of my chiropractor giving me better advice than my OB/GYN.  I'm also not going to get too excited yet because..

I, unfortunately, also have a negative pregnancy test.

What a horrible story to go along with taking that test too.  Ugh.  Each time I've taken a test, I get up early enough so Jared is still at home.  I will not take a test if he's not around to share the news.  So I woke up and took the test this morning, and it looked like there was instantly two faint, pink lines.  I put the test on the floor and ran out to Jared, smiling and saying "there's two lines!!"  We hugged and shared the joy of finally being pregnant.  "Its our turn now," he said.  After a few minutes, something made me want to check the test again.  So I did, and Jared followed me in the bathroom.  Gross as it is, what I thought was the first line was just the light reflecting on a drop of pee that was on the test.  The other line was a bright pink, and it was the only line there.   We hugged again for a few minutes, letting the disappointment sink in.

But then we thought about it a bit more.  I've still missed my period so far, and that hasn't happened in the 7 months I've been off birth control.  Why would I miss it now?  That's a good question to research!

Pregnancy is the #1 reason for a missed period.  A second reason could be stress.  I have been stressed at work recently, but I don't think its been enough to throw off my body's cycles.  I'm really thinking that I have to be pregnant, as unlikely as I feel that could be given that we didn't try at all this month (meaning, we didn't have sex on purpose according to my ovulation schedule).  It is apparently very possible that I don't have enough of the HCG hormone yet to be detected by a test.  I've read that some women don't get a positive pregnancy test until they are a few weeks pregnant (and some never get a positive home test).

Its extremely hard for me to not get crazy excited right now.  I've brought things up as if I am, like plans for announcing the gender, who would we tell right away, nursery designs, etc.  My urge to revisit saved wish lists on Babies R Us is almost too large to ignore.  I really don't want a disappointment, though.

Keep your fingers and toes crossed that a little Jana or Jacob is growing in my belly right now. :)

Back to Basics

With anything in life, when you've failed over and over again, there comes a time when you need to take a step back and reassess.  You've tried a few different strategies and none have worked.  Its time to look at things from a new angle.  That time for us is now.

As it turns out, the third time is not the charm.  Despite the different strategies used, new plans made, and lots and lots of sex had (TMI, I know), I am still not pregnant.  I can't tell you how horrible it feels to be asked "so when are you two going to have kids?" when you've been trying for months with no luck.  It doesn't always happen right away, but that doesn't make it any less disappointing.  The timing is perfect.  The strategies have been sound.  We've been staying healthy and active.  The only thing that could be stopping us is.. us.

It could be our bodies; it could be our minds.  Just in case its my body, I made an appointment for my yearly check-up.  I'd want to wait to see if its Jared's body, provided mine has no issues.  Our minds?  That's an entirely different problem.

I happened to have an appointment with my chiropractor on the day we tested and got the negative result.  I see him a lot, for anything physical (not allergies and stuff like that), so he knows me pretty well.  After I gave him the run down of what was giving me a hard time (thanks to the running I was trying to do), he asked how everything else was.  I said "pretty good," and he could somehow tell there was something on my mind.  So I told him.  We've been trying to get pregnant for 3 months now.  He said "And how's it going?"  "Not good.  I'm using the ovulation tests and everything, but its not working."  His response: "Have you tried not using those tests?  Just let it happen naturally."

He told me that our bodies know when it isn't a good time to get pregnant.  If you're stressed out, you won't get pregnant because it isn't a healthy environment for the baby.  I've been told and read the advice "don't stress about it, just have fun!" so many times, and I really didn't think I was stressed out.  I still don't think its that bad, but I've decided to ditch the tests.  All of them.  We're going to get pregnant and find out about it the way nature intended.  I don't think this will be stress free, but its got to be better than what we've been doing.

I'm going to try to keep this out of my head and spend more "quality" time with Jared (wink, wink).  If someone had told me when we first started dating that we'd reach a point when we'd have to make an effort to have sex more often, I would have laughed right in their face.  I guess it happens to everyone.  We've settled into a routine that doesn't include sex as often as it used to.  I've packed on some pounds (again) and am just not as comfortable with myself as I want to be.  There are too many excuses, and its time they stopped.

So, I may not post as much anymore.  I'd like to say that the next time I post, there will be a baby brewing in my belly.  I hope that's the case, but I will not stress over it.  I'm sure I'll be stressing enough once I am pregnant, and then for the rest of my life as a parent.